Faith in the midst of Battle

                                          These my own thoughts, working through scripture

One of my favorite as I think any believer, books in the Bible is Psalms. Of course I too find such comfort in the words and can read back over my favorite and comforting passages, only to find, a whole new meaning, He had inlightened me with. He chooses when and what and how much to reveal of Him to us as we travel this journey to be with Him. How I long for time with Him alone, for He is the one that truley loves me. Knowing all my flaws, my imperfections and yet, His love is so pure and real and the safest place I can feel and be. In His arms I can find solice, understanding and truth. Truth so revealing of our own souls, we would run from such a being, not He. He loves us with all of those spots of sin His Son has washed away.

When I stop and really seek Him, not anybody else or what they think or feel or say or even do, just Him and I alone together and the total Peace He can only give, I marvel in my Creator. Oh, how I can place judgement and even how I find myself proving my worth to those who matter not. In Him, their is no proving, no hiding, no lies to tell ones self, to presude your own doing's. He Knows me. All about every little thing I do, why I do, how I do and if I do. He cannot be fooled, no I am front and center in His Grace. Oh what a concept, the word Grace. Of all He made and knitted together, He gave us the gift of Grace.

Psalms 45:2  Thou art fairer than the children of men: grace is poured into thy lips: therefore God hath blessed thee for ever.

This gift is free to those who trust in Him. Given even more freely when thirsty for His truth. Jesus, your love for me is unmesurable. Any good in my heart is only due to You. If I had not suffered, how could I be where I am in you this day and long to be closer still? You allowed the afflictions as sure as You allow free will. You look to cut out the ugly and put in it's place purity. I continue to fall and You continue to pick me up. As sharp as I can be to another I love so dear, You are so patient and accepting me back with the tenderness You already know I need. What kind of love is this, it is the greatest of romance, the all time best love story ever will be written. The love He has for His child, His bride, His church! I count myself so intensley blessed to know Your love to feel it and know You will never deny me of such love and Your Son. I long for You and long for all whom I love to be with You. I know how weak I am and can't imagine my life without You in it. How then, do other's go through the roughest waters, the highest of mountains and lowest of peaks? Without You, how could one survive a day in this cold, dark world? I do not know, I cannot imagine. I admit that I forget you even though You never could I or my family. I worry and toss my emotions about like a baby many days. Struggling to face the day and how You still, after all the Grace, Mercy and Blessings showering me, wait pateint for me to come to You. How ashamed I am and upset with myself to falling again to Satan's attempt's. How quik I have been to question where You were, where You are? How fast I forget the Peace. Still, I always find my way back to Your embrace and often from Your own discipline. I see the past and wonder why I allowed such nonesence to disturb us. I more often than not, get in my own way and in the way You are trying to shine through me and use me to give your grace to another. How many did I miss with my insecurities? How often do I hold my tongue when I shouldn't but when I should, words tumble out and the damage I have done to myself and to You, not counting the chance or a soul won? I remember as I child, I picture hanging in my room, crossstiched by someone close, it read such simple words,"Be patient, God isn't finished with me yet" still to this day, I remind or should I say You remind me of that picture. So, I will keep trying, you haven't given up and neither have I.

Psalms: 31

In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliever me in thy righteousness. Bow down thy ear to me; speedily: be thou my strong rock, for an house of defense to save me.  For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name's sakelead me, and guide me. Pull me out of the net that they have laid privily for me: for thou art my strength. Into thine hand I commit my spirit; thou hast redeemed me, Oh Lord God of truth. I have hated them that regard lying vanities: but I trust in the Lord. I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy: for thou has considered my trouble: thou hast known my soul adversities: And thou not shut me up into thy hand of the enemy: thou hast set my fee in a large room. Have mercy upon me, O Lord, for I am in trouble: mine eye is consumed with grief, yea my soul and my belly. For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth because of mine iniquity, and my bones are consumed. I was reproach among all mine enemies, but especially among my neighbors, and a fear to mine acquaintance; they that did see me without fled from me. I am forgotten as a dead man out of mind; I am like a broken vessel. For I have heard the slander of many: fear was on every side while they took counsel together against me, they devised to take away my life. But I trusted thee, O Lord: I said, Thou art my God. My times are in thy hand: deliver me from the band of mine enemies, and from them that persecute me. Make thy face shine upon thy servent: save me for thy mercies sake. Let me not be ashamed, O Lord; for I have called upon thee: let the wicked be ashamned, and let them be silent in the grave. Let thy lying lips be put to silence; which speak grievous things proudly and contemptuously against the rightetous. Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee, which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee before the son's of men! Thou shalt hide them in the secretly in a  pavilion from the strife of tongues. Blessed be the Lord: for all he hath shewed me his marvellous kindness in a strong city. For I said in my haste, I am cut off before thine eyes. nevertheless thou heardest the voice of my supplications when I cried unto thee. O love of the Lord, all ye his saints:for the Lord preserveth the faithful, and plentifully rewardeth the proud doer. Be good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.